Raising Jack

Raising Jack:

He bounded into the house on Saturday morning filled with glee, “Mom, Mom, Mom! Look what I got from Diane’s garage sale!” Without a hint of any self-consciousness he proudly and carefully laid out his dollar and 2 dollar purchases and treasures from the free bin. His treasures included: cat-style reading glasses (sadly without rhinestones), a Mary Kay make-up mirror with case, a black velvet spaghetti strap cocktail dress and a pair of black slide mule medium heels. He immediately disrobed and slipped the dress on and was a tad disappointed to see that the straps were too long and needed to be shortened in order to make it a perfect fit. The begging for instant alterations commenced. I promised to fix it and his smile returned. Jack has worn the shoes every day since getting them at the garage sale and asks me is the dress done yet?

As a Mom I am torn.  I am so happy and so proud that Jack has the confidence and courage to be who he is. He is my Jack, my wild imagination boy who has always preferred girl toys and dress up. I am also grateful that he knows he is loved and perfect just the way he is and is safe. I have done my job giving him personal security, love and support. What worries me is how others will see my sweet, highly imaginative, intelligent and creative child. Jack knows he is different. He is no fool to criticism and stings from others that do not accept him for Jack. Even at the tender age of 10, he has to check the crowd before he speaks and this breaks my heart. I am so saddened by the lack of support and understanding and the narrow-minded people that believe it is okay to pass judgment so freely on my son and myself.  

Jack is who he is. He has always been Jack, always will be and was born with a gifted mind and engaging personality. He is talented, bright and true gift to our family as all children are to their parents and families. Raising gay, lesbian or transgendered children today is by far a much easier job than in years past. Many people are more accepting and can offer insight helping us as parents raise confident, caring, productive, and happy members of society. Even with all the advancements, it is still a heart wrenching process. I struggle with worry about Jack being accepted and finding love and a partner more than I do about my other son who is straight. I want the same things for both my wonderful boys but know Jack’s road although easier than in years past will be harder. He will face scorn, bullying and teasing at a higher rate than my eldest. He will be a target at school just for who he is and will face a higher chance of depression and suicide rate in his coming years. He will be the object of hate and distain from overtly religious groups including our own church and faith. He will be faced with legal issues for partnerships his married brother will not have to face. His life at 10 is already different and a bit lonelier than his older brother. He at 10 has been the object of hate, threats, bullying and the object of ridicule and distain from his classmates, teachers and from his own grandparents. He already although loved by my Mother has been ridiculed for his choices of clothing, toys or Disney movies to watch. When he tries to show his Grammy something he thinks is wonderful but highly feminine she will with her words be supportive but with her facial expression be somewhat filled with distain and a bit disgusted. He notices and feels the rejection and I can see the hurt in his eyes. Believe it or not she has come a long way. In the beginning she accused me of being too accepting and being a bad mother because I needed to remove or discourage any thing feminine with him and change him.   (this is another blog for another day I digress )

So as I struggle to be a better parent, teacher and member of the society, I make this wish in the vapors of the blogosphere. Be kind, be aware and remember judge not least you be judged because it is from loving and acceptance in others we find love and acceptance for our own self. How you treat others is a reflection of what you think about yourself.

Senate Passes 'Don't Ask' Repeal, Heads to Obama for Signature | The Rundown News Blog | PBS NewsHour | PBS

Senate Passes 'Don't Ask' Repeal, Heads to Obama for Signature | The Rundown News Blog | PBS NewsHour | PBS

As a mother, friend, niece and sister-in-law to gay, lesbian and transgendered individuals who have influenced and shaped my life, I say, finally a bit of sanity. So many of our loved ones and friends fear for their self when they profess their true self to their loved ones, what a sad reflection of our species. We should be ashamed that we allowed this for far too long. How could we as loving individuals allow this hatred, fear and loathing to exist? I remember back to the call I got from my beloved friend Todd who had something to tell me. I was filled with fear about the health of his Mom, his Dad and himself he said he wanted me to know he was gay. I was relieved; I thought he was confiding in me about one of his family members having cancer or someone we loved was dying or dead. It should not be a life or death issue. The people that are a part of our loves are who they are and gifts to each of us, unique in all things. We need to cherish this, celebrate this and accept. So finally accept and move on. Love one and other and accept our beauty and our diversity.

03 the frames - Pavement Tune

this indecision killing me, I want my life to make more sense... Sometimes music describes so much of how you feel...

Some days I hit my head against the wall and wish I had that damn do over button. When I was deciding between graduate school and medical school.  Teaching helped shape my decision. I found that I loved teaching more than anything and took the path to graduate school. Most days I am happy with my decisions but some days I think what in god’s name was I thinking?

The past semester has been an extraordinary long one. I am teaching again my chemistry and 2 of the AP Biology upper level class. For the most part teaching has been fine and again I struggle with motivation not just for my students but also for myself. It makes a difference when I get a group of young minds that are excited and I have that in both classes but lately I find many of the minds more difficult to reach. I am not sure if it is the burning of their young minds in technology or if I am too slow to comprehend it or if I am in dire need of a sabbatical and more motivation for myself.

So as I graded my last final and posted my grades and cleaned up the lab for break; I felt a little empty. I looked around my neat and empty room and thought to myself… “Whew another semester done. Thank god. Why do I do this? Am I making any difference? Why did I not go to med school? I just feel like a dirty dish rag.”  I ran my errands, paying bills and stumbling through a fog of thought and discouragement. As I headed to the gas station a bit out of the way I was thinking about revamping my resume and maybe looking for something else outside of teaching. Then it happened, the karmic kick in the head. I pulled into the gas station dizzy in my own thoughts and look over to the car pulled in the other side of the gas pump. Out of the little red car emerged a wonderfully warm familiar face. She was one of my old students from my last position. We worked hard and struggled together to make sure she got all her credits for her BS and worked in a laboratory. She took a little longer to finish but she finished with good grades and research projects. She applied to graduate school but needed a bit of assistance to get in so we found a PREP program for her and got her accepted into it. After 2 years of hard work, we helped her move to a graduate school program. Today I saw a student who blossomed and is now a bright warm sweet woman with a Master’s degree. My heart soared with pride and joy when she told me she was just in town and had got her degree this December. She said she could hardly believe she did it and it took all of her hard work and our support to help her find her path.

SO maybe I did not make a difference with this semester but I have made a difference and at least with one person I made a big life difference. So maybe I will wish for that lotto win instead of that do over button tonight. I am proud of you Becky and you filled this tired woman with a wee bit of hope that she needed.